Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
