3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
