I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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