Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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