rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
