ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
