ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
