how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
