Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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