Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
