Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
