So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
