absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
