Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
