Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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