VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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