$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
