Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
