someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
