I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
