Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
