I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
