Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
