The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
