And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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