i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
