A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
