Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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