Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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