I need help removing her.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
