I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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