his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
