he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
