Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
