the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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