I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
