the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
