ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
