i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
