it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
