Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i will never coherently bang her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
