ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
