I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
