We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
