You made me cry and you don't even care
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
