I need help removing her.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
