Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
