I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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