Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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