don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
