every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
