Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
