is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
