Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
