your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
